Communication Is A Two Way Street
As dog owners and dog trainers, we often measure our success by asking, "Do our dogs listen to us?" But too infrequently, I believe, do we ask the question, "Do we listen to our dogs?"
The goal of training, in my mind, is communication, and communication is a two way street. My dogs are my companions, my family members. It is not my goal to turn them into meek robots that obey my every command, but rather to develop a relationship in which we are able to live harmoniously together, to enjoy each other's company and respect each other's needs. Yes, I would like my dog to sit when I ask her to sit, but I also much be aware of her current state, to make sure that what I'm asking isn't going to cause her physical or emotional discomfort. I don't ask my dogs to work when they are tired, and I especially don't ask Koa to work when she is too hot — I know the results will be lacking and will cause us both frustration!
I often refer to this concept, in training, as setting up your dog for success; working in increments that they can succeed at, working in environments that aren't too distracting or stressful, and not asking your dog to do something when you think the likelihood of them doing it is low. If a dog is not responding to a known cue, the reason is generally not because they are stupid, stubborn, or just flat out disobedient, but rather because the distractions are too great, the motivation is too low, or the request is unclear. But moving beyond the arena of training, this concept also applies to your everyday relationship with your dog.
My mom and stepdad recently watched my dogs for a weekend while I went out of town, and when I picked them up my stepdad told me, "I have met a lot of dogs with personalities and human-like characteristics, but your dogs are straight up human. They are exactly like human children!" And I think this is because they are used to engaging with people, not just obeying them. They are used to being listened to.
I'm not perfect — far from it! — but I really try to get to know my dogs. I know that when Koa's ear are slightly flattened, she's tired and she's over it. I know that when Muchacho climbs into my lap at daycare, it's generally because he is tired and needs a break from his buddies, and that in fact, sometimes he needs a day off from daycare! I know what a certain high-pitched bark means that Koa has stolen something and Muchacho would really like it back, please. I know when Koa gets a certain hard stare it's because she feels like someone or something is either invading her space bubble or coming close to something she values greatly. I know that Koa hates hot air balloons and having her head touched, but loves a good chest rub and licking the sunscreen off my skin and that Muchacho doesn't like direct eye contact from strangers, and hates getting his feet wet but loves to lay and wallow in the creek like a tiger-stripped hippopotamus and will find every pillow or blanket that is possibly available to snooze on. What works for one may not always work for the other, and neither of them is perfectly behaved and probably never will be. But they are unique individuals that make our family whole, they have both taught, and continue to teach me so much, and I love them exactly for who they are.
